it’s already 2010? oh rats… i mean bats…

happy new year everyone!!!!
so i could write about how awesome i’m doing here in mozambique, but what fun would it be if i bragged about going to a beautiful beach for new years or having a weeds marathon with home made chips and salsa? right? so instead i will write about every peace corps volunteer’s favorite discussion topic, POOP! i know i’m not usually one for talking about bowel movements openly, but we don’t have much else to talk about here so when we say gossip it usually involves who’s having what kinda latrina issues. so where to start, cuz these are also not just any pooping stories, no no those happen even stateside, so all three of ours involve a common unwelcome guest… a bat… yep you heard right, vonnie, d illon and i have all shared many a laughs and tears over the next three stories i’m about to tell you… i will refrain from telling you which story happened to which person but i’ll tell them to you in chronological order. so since we’ve arrived to our wonderful house in monapo, we’ve been having awful stomach issues. we’re not sure if it was from the brown water we drank for the first week or the stress from cleaning and making our house our home, or some sick cosmic joke to make us use our latrina more than we would ever care to, but what can you do? when you gotta go, you just gotta go! so to begin our first story i should first tell you about our house and latrina. since it was our first week in our new house, we locked up pretty good when going to bed and it did not help our first victim to do so. there are two heavy duty locks and also a slide and latch lock and then we also have a grated gate with two padlocks. so it’s a lot of work to get out of the house and you have to go out of the house in order to walk to our outdoor latrina… the latrina’s about 15 yards away but the walk there is a treacherous one, and it’s a sandy death trap even when you can see where you’re walking, so in the dark… yeah not so much fun. anyway so on one fateful evening our first victim felt the pangs in her stomach and started her journey to the latrina. there was a struggle at the door because the locks are upside down and instead of turning the key away from the opening to unlock, you have to turn it toward the opening… and then the rusty slide and latch handle is really hard to jig open… and then the sprint toward the latrina tripping through tall grass and quick sand holes… lets just say she didn’t quite make it before it officially started. but then she finally got to the latrina and she’s squatting over the hole and all seems right in the world when she hears something fluttering and trying to get out of the hole! she freaks out and moves out of the way to find a theoretically poop covered bat fly out of the hole and fly around her head and dive about trying to get out of the latrina as it finally finds its way out the door and free into the night sky. thinking it couldn’t possibly get any worse and just wanting to finish and go back to bed she squats over the hole to finish up when she feels something crawling over her foot. when she pointed her flashlight toward her foot, a giant cockroach was trying to crawl its way back into the hole… oh yeah she was done. ever since then and a couple more times of carelessly walking into the latrina and having bats frantically flutter around our heads has made us more conscientious about checking the bathroom before walking in. that’s where the second victim’s story begins. it was already dark but not terribly late in the night so she set off for the latrina with the tp in one hand and flashlight in the other. she didn’t think it was late enough for the bats to have already seek refuge in the dark latrina so she just walked in, but she ducked and jumped back when there was not just one but 3 bats flying around. she threw a couple of rocks to try to scare em out but there was one pesky little bat still left in there and just flew from one corner to the other. our second victim didn’t quite have to go just then, maybe the bats scared it away, so she went back into the house hoping that when she returned the bat would have left. when the urge returned she went back to the bathroom and banged on the door to find the bat still fluttering around. she threw a few more rocks in but it wouldn’t leave and now after 30min she really really had to go. she walked back toward the house and announced that she could no longer hold it and that she would be digging a hole in the back yard to do her business. she walked to the back of the other side of the house and found an empty coconut shell and began digging. after finishing she covered it back with the dirt and put a rock and the coconut shell back on top of the mound as a warning. it now looks like the final resting place of turk the turtle. our last victim’s story doesn’t actually involve poop or the latrina, but the bat does strike again. we were watching it’s always sunny in philly in the living room and sitting on the floor on a friend’s sleeping bag when suddenly a bat swooped in and started flying around and diving into us, its bearings confused by the light. we all crouched down lower screaming and trying to get out of the way when she yelled oh my gosh i’m gonna pee. we all think that it’s just an expression when she darts up and sprints out the door leaving a wet spot behind. she was literally so scared/excited that she peed herself… we eventually got the bat out of the house, but i don’t think we’ll ever get these stories/images out of our minds and i hope they stay with yall for a good long time too. feel free to print it out and read it every time you’re on the john to remind yourself just how lucky you are, your indoor room with a ceramic throne completely bat free, or tack it up on your cubicle or office wall to brighten up your mood when you’re having a bad day or forward it to anyone else who may be having a bad day!

oh and a belated shout out to my favorite married couple (other than my parents of course), brian and jordan mills! can’t friggin wait to see yall, so brush up on your gaming skills and we’ll be in gorongosa sooner than you think! (hi jordan and brian’s parents! thanks for reading and i’ll try to get them to update their blog more often too!!)

ok 2010! here we go!!!

love,
panda

ps. after writing this blog, but before i got a chance to post it, the bat struck again! we found it swimming in one of our buckets and then after it was done swimming, it was hibernating on a rock… and then it freaked out and flew into our house, but we think it may be dying cuz it couldn’t fully fly, so then it hopped around here and there and then we finally got it outside again… crazy bats!

pps. we also just found out that the bats can crawl under the door crack and another one got in and started flying around and then in went in vonnie's room and camped out on the ceiling so we started throwing bottle caps and beans at it to try to get it out but it wouldn’t budge… it finally flew out of her room and back into the main room and then it crawled under the door into the back room and now its just chilling out back there…. wonder when it’ll go away….

will someone please research bats for us and let us know what keeps them out of the house and latrina? cuz something tells me garlic won’t work…